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Friday, February 15, 2013

Happy 14th Birthday My Sweet Briaunna!

God’s greatest gift to us was when my daughter was born. It took 10 years and many hard trials but she arrived into this world healthy, strong and beautiful. Wish those days would return where I pushed her in a stroller all over the place, listening to her little laugh alone would make my day...those were the good ole days.
But...she's a laugh a minute even at 14 (she has her Grandfather's sense of humor though he passed away before they even met). I recall many day's my Father asking me "when am I going to get a grandchild"??? He said his grandbabies were at the "Gym" (I was an exercise FREAK!).

 
I said I would tell you the story of her birth...well, here it is. We tried for 10 years to conceive with several miscarriages in between. By the 10th year...I was D-O-N-E! Flat gave up, started looking to adopt. But I was also very depressed that year because wouldn't you know it....EVERY corner I turned...I SAW A PREGNANT WOMAN! Attended ladies Bible studies...there was ALWAYS one there...couldn't escape them!! We were also overseas so, I guess they had nothing better to do :-).
During that time God continued to bring back to me Hebrews 11:1 that says "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen"...BOY OH BOY!! Did I ever learn the TRUE meaning of THAT verse (read a lot about Hannah too). Did a LOT of praying and I recall one day walking back from the gym (and you KNOW I saw another PREGNANT woman)...I was just REALLY depressed....I felt like that cartoon that walked around with that rainy dark cloud over it's head...no joke.
Then one day (men...you can stop reading now :-)...Mother nature decided to show and at that time I thought I was pregnant. I recall going to a room in the house, it was very dark and I cried and cried. Next thing I know I'm talking to God and saying.."Ok God...if I can't depend on Mother Nature...who can I depend on"? And as God as my witness at that VERY same moment I said "who can I depend on" I heard the spirit say (not audible of course)....depend on Me.


That was all she wrote! My depression lifted and next thing I know I'm stepping out on faith and buying maternity clothes (only a blouse) I was with my good friend Elisabetta and her friend, only Elisabetta knew what I was doing. I bought this clown garment hanger to put on the wall as we browsed through a baby store. The other asked Elisabetta "Is she pregnant"...she replied no..."Is it a gift for someone else"?...she replied no..."Then why is she buying baby stuff"?? Elisabetta just smiled, shrugged her shoulders and we kept walking while the other woman still had question marks bouncing all around her noggin. This still hangs in my daughter room to this day.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I bought the items around January of that year. Many women knew I was trying to conceive so people started pitying me, giving me un-wanted advice books about "What To Expect When Expecting", "What To Eat When Expecting". The second book was good...the first?? That BABY will tell you "What to Expect"...the book...Mmm..not so much.
 


Anywho...I attended a bible study one day and as we began our hello's and what nots, somehow the discussion of my not conceiving came into play. And I remember just blurting it out just as naturally as breathing "God has told me that I will be a Mother this year". You should have been a FLY on the wall with some of the CRAZY looks I got from that statement! One woman had the nerve to ask "Did He tell you what sex it will be"?? (I actually wanted to slap her because to me that was a STUPID question (and YES we were in Bible study!...I wasn't the PSYCHIC NETWORK for goodness sakes!)

I told her "No"! All I can tell you is....I will be a Mother this year. So we went on and did the study and no one asked me anymore questions....they probably thought I had gone and LOST my mind!
So...May rolled around, I was at another bible study. Another one of those months I thought I was pregnant but I felt ill, so I left. I just KNEW I was not pregnant so to console myself before going home I bought a candy bar and a pregnancy test (what a combination huh). Hubby was home watching the game, I took the test, wasn't expecting anything because I tell you I bought SO many of those test in the last 10 years I could have bought stock!
Here I am expecting nothing...waiting the full "2minutes"...still expecting nothing and what do you know...IT WAS BLUE! I tell you I got up so fast and RAN to the living room to show my husband and he was in shock I think because he didn't say much. At the time I was a volunteer in the lab and I told my two girlfriends there so they said..."let’s find out". I take the test, one friend on each side of me (they made me sit with my back turned while I listened to that stupid ticking timer). And all the time I'm going...it could just be a mistake, while both watched the test turn blue AGREEING with me! The timer went off..they kept their cool, told me to turn around...I saw blue and JUMPED OFF THE STOOL! I starting dancing, and screaming, laughing, hugging my friends and since I was drawing blood that day they sent me home because I was so nervous and excited...they didn't want me sticking anyone with needles that day :-).
So I took the test to my husband at work (I still have it to this day) and FINALLY I saw a smile. It was a long hard road to 10 months (and it's SO NOT 9!). I was placed on bed rest after my first trimester. I'll never forget how two of my best friends Elisabetta and Elizabeth came over one day with paper towels, window cleaner and pizza in hand to clean all 24 of our 5 foot tall windows (they knew I was a clean freak). So we talked about baby names and anything else there was to talk about while I followed them all over the house and watched them clean all of my windows. It was a beautiful sunny day and from all of our windows you got a close up view of God's beautiful mountains. They were the sweetest friends ever and we were like the 3 Muskateers, went everywhere together!

 Finally it was time to deliver and  after the 3rd day of going to the Hospital thinking my water broke they let me stay :-). It was snowing that night and on the way to the Hospital my husband just pushed in a tape to keep us occupied. And what do you know it was Yolanda Adams "God Will Take Care Of You".
I heard that song in my head the whole time I was in labor and at the very moment I pushed her out. Then I began bleeding very badly, my placenta tore. When you're bleeding to death...ya don't really feel anything, it's like a nice little deep in and out sleep. I recall my Doctor getting very quiet and moving me all over that table trying to stop my bleeding. I looked over at my husband who was holding Briaunna and I heard a voice in my head saying "look at that, all that praying and your going to die on the table"...next thing I know God brings Yolanda's song back into my head that "God will take care of you, in everything you're going through, beneath His wings of love abide in Him because He loves you". He has always loved me, and the bleeding stopped, so I got to hold my beautiful baby.
The next morning my Doctor came in and the first thing he said was "You lost a lot of blood". I brought him almost to tears when I said "You know, I prayed about the Doctor that would deliver my child, in the military you never know who will be on call. My husband wanted the female Doctor we'd been seeing (she was a TRUE blessing but a new Doctor) and I wanted you. I told him that the other Doctor had been very helpful throughout my pregnancy (she discovered why I was loosing babies) but after seeing what happen and her being a new Doctor, I don't know if she would have been as cool, and calm as he was to stop my bleeding and I just thanked God that he placed him on call that night because I just knew that he was the one that was supposed to be there. And I thanked him for saving my life by the grace of God. That is one of the many reasons why when I sing, I can sing from my heart just thinking of how good God has been to me and that when I'm on stage He could be using someone else because I could be dead and gone..but I thank Him for His mercy, grace and love.
So...that's my story, and anyone out there trying to have a child and hasn't yet....just have faith, it will come when God is ready :-).
 

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